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285 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
I drove home more depressed than I had been in years. Why? Because the truth was that I wanted to drink. And I don’t mean I wanted to ease back into it, either, with casual Manhattans sipped at a mahogany and brass-rail bar with red leather booths and rows of gleaming glasses stacked in front of a long wall mirror. I wanted busthead boilermakers of Jack Daniel’s and draft beer, vodka on the rocks, Beam straight up with water on the side, raw tequila that left you breathless and boiling in your own juices. And I wanted it all in a run-down Decatur or Magazine Street saloon where I didn’t have to hold myself accountable for anything and where my gargoyle image in the mirror would be simply another drunken curiosity like the neon-lit rain striking against the window. After four years of sobriety I once again wanted to fill my mind with spiders and crawling slugs and snakes that grew corpulent off the pieces of my life that I would slay daily. I blamed it on the killing of Julio Segura. I decided my temptation for alcohol and self-destruction was maybe even an indication that my humanity was still intact. I said the rosary that night and did not fall asleep until the sky went gray with the false dawn.
p. 1
The evening sky was streaked with purple,
the color of torn plums, and a light rain had
started to fall when I came to the end of the
blacktop road that cut through twenty miles of
thick, almost impenetrable scrub oak and pine
and stopped at the front gate of Angola
penitentiary.
p. 49
“Oh, my, you shouldn't have done that,”
the man in the raincoat said.
Erik grabbed my hair and slammed my
head against the side of the tub. I kicked
at all of them blindly, but my feet struck
at empty air. Then Bobby Joe locked his
powerful arms around my neck and took me
over the rim again, his body trembling
rigidly with a cruel and murderous energy,
and I knew that all my past fears of being
shotgunned by a psychotic , of being
shanked by an addict, of stepping on a
Claymore mine in Vietnam, were just the
foolish preoccupation of youth; that my
real nemesis had always been a redneck
lover who would hold me upside down against
his chest while my soul slipped through a
green, watery porcelain hole in the earth,
down through the depths of the Mekong River,
where floated the bodies of other fatigue-clad
men and whole families of civilians, their
faces still filled with disbelief and the
shock of an artillery burst, and farther
still to the mossy base of an offshore oil
rig in the Gulf of Mexico, where my father
waited for me in his hardhat, coveralls,
and steel-tipped drilling boots after having
drowned there twenty years ago.
p. 80
“Why are you so obnoxious, Motley?”
Clete said. “Is it because you're fat and
ugly, or is it because you're fat and dumb?
It's a mystery to us all.”
p. 121
I slept through the rest of the
afternoon and woke in the cooling dusk
when the cicadas were loud in the purple
haze and the fireflies were lighting in
the trees. I showered and felt some of
the misery begin to go out of my mind
and body, then I took a taxi to the Hertz
agency and rented a small Ford.
Because most of the Quarter was
closed to automobile traffic at night,
I parked the car near the French Market,
by the river, and walked back to Bourbon.
The street was loud with music from the bars
and strip houses, and the sidewalks were filled
with tourists, drunks, and street people who
were trying to hold on to their last little piece
of American geography. My favorite bunch of
hustlers and scam artists, the black sidewalk
tap dancers, were out in force. They wore
enormous iron taps that clipped onto their
shoes, and when they danced to the music
from the bars, their feet rang on the concrete
like horseshoes. A tap dancer would stop a
tourist, rivet him in the eyes, and say, “I
bet you a half-dollar I can tell you where you
got yo' shoes.” If the tourist accepted the
wager, the dancer would then say, “You got
yo' shoes on yo' feet, and yo' feet is on
Bourbon Street. You ain't the kind, now,
to back out on yo' bet, is you?”