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288 pages, Paperback
First published March 28, 2023
“Love was paring myself down, again and again, until I was as smooth as a block of new marble, ready to become whatever the next one needed me to.”
“Other people’s joys have always seemed more solid to me than my own. I’ve never trusted happiness, have trouble with the very notion of it.”
“No one is going to fix you for you, I thought to myself when I got home, giving myself a good hard stare in my bathroom mirror. But like all revelations, it didn’t last long.”
“In the end, I know, no amount of wishful thinking can ever bring him back, and nothing we say or do or promise to one another can inoculate us against loss or leaving. But in the meantime, there is still so much of this world to see and hold on to, to care for and care about, to love in spite of— or because of— the fact that none of us are here for very long.”
“Some days, wandering through the aquarium’s blue halls, I start feeling like maybe I don’t exist, like my body is just this translucent membrane for water and light to rush through, day in and day out, just like all the other creatures here.”
“If every hurtful or careless thing we ever said to one another manifested itself visually in the body. Would we be any different than how we are now? Would we do more to protect each other, ourselves?”
He kissed me like a sailor about to go away on a long journey. It was a kiss of salt spray, breaking waves, pink horizons. I thought of dark water and sun-warmed surfaces as we rose and fell, again and again, bobbing against each other like two small boats in a storm.