I do not have the personal experience of parenting an autistic child, but I understand emotion and the inability to control a situation, the feeling hI do not have the personal experience of parenting an autistic child, but I understand emotion and the inability to control a situation, the feeling helplessness and despair. The Lam family suffered the gamut of this to the extreme.
The book opens with Harry’s behaviours and how impossible it was for him to carry out SO MANY everyday tasks. Porscia acclimatised to accommodating the hundreds (more?) of ideas to encourage Harry to eat, wear shoes, tolerate a crumb, a wet item of clothing, to EAT. These were desperate tasks to nurture a growing child. The intake of anything nutritious virtually nil. The strict amount of what he WOULD eat, and HOW this would be delivered was heartbreaking in the rigidity.
Then there were the social clues, the lack of. Family members could not assist, he needed almost exclusive access to his parents. Then quickly the family turned from a unit of 3 to 4 in the blink of an eye. How would they cope? To attend to a new human when their lives were entrenched and enmeshed with this fantastical routine that is their life? This morphed into something almost elusive, impossible. DESPERATE . I FELT this.
The author’s ability to tell her story was innate, I felt the horror of what their lives were for a period of years.
A successful and regimented lawyer and doctor duo, a world further smashed apart by Covid. Commencing a new job on the first day of lockdown, trying to work through next level live Zoom tantrums, to parent 2 under 2 while maintaining love for her husband while both sets of parents unable/unwilling to help.
The need for change was inescapable, the author researched, scrolled with the expected stories of doom, and realised a highly controversial step was needed to save her sanity. Her son COULD NOT communicate with the world, the flow on effects with her relationships and her own self-worth were severe.
Did he really think he could resurrect his former life? What was there to enjoy about hanging out with people who offered trite sympathy through comments like, 'Oh, I know! Tommy is such a picky eater too!'? I couldn't handle it. I built a fortress and shut myself in.
Only now recognising her default position of achieving at all costs, pushing through without self-preservation she found herself in perilous physical and emotional territory. I wanted to justify my own existence, my lack of employment, and why, once an abundance of potential, I had been laid to waste. The narrative carried the reader into the inner self with ease.
To unlock the child within, this family used a resource that is controversial. The author explained why, conversely she explained the changes from then (decades ago) and now, and how this terribly slow and painful method worked. Without it her son would not be a functioning child today, putting his shoes on to go outside, tolerating change, integrating with the world. To play, to explore and to simply be.
She knows there will be naysayers, and so do I, given the in-depth reasons she so eloquently portrayed. This treatment worked for Harry, but my goodness, this was an extremely hard road and I do not think many could have come out the other side.
My intention is not to discuss the treatment; I wanted to portray the struggle. To highlight that it worked for this family. I champion Porscia’s resilience and dogged determination to achieve for her son, but I also see not many would have the means to access this treatment due to cost of finance and time.
The author was losing herself, almost losing her mind, and sought the treatment her family needed, which importantly, was not singularly for Harry.
ABA had painstakingly built a bridge that allowed Harry to connect with us, his family, and ultimately, with the rest of the world. As a result, it dramatically improved our lives, too. The wellbeing of those caring for an autistic child is often perilously cast aside as an afterthought.
Thank you Porscia, for my early copy to read and review, this is a valuable tool to help others. A beautifully written piece of work, at times hard to read but wholly necessary. I highly recommend....more
What a sweet read this was, in keeping with what the author is known for. Female friendship, familial relationships with a little mystery thrown in.
LyWhat a sweet read this was, in keeping with what the author is known for. Female friendship, familial relationships with a little mystery thrown in.
Lyrebird Lake is a lovely place, Hannah is looking for a fresh start for her and her son. Deemed homeless after the death of her husband, a family keep sake leads her there.
Hopeful for work and accommodation, they've been sleeping rough. Their arrival to this town leads to lovely people with histories of their own.
This story blends two generations and timelines, shown from each woman's perspectives. Serious themes prevalent of the times were central to this story.
One character was most unlikable, unable to show love to her family, I was left wondering at the end what was to become of her.
This is an easy read highlighting the complexity of times gone by and rigid beliefs these times were synonymous for. Thanks to @henrymarlene for my gifted copy, what a joy it is to share books....more
This debut tells a serious story interwoven with the intricate internal struggles of a smart young neuro diverse woman. Very well written, Kerryn MaynThis debut tells a serious story interwoven with the intricate internal struggles of a smart young neuro diverse woman. Very well written, Kerryn Mayne will be an author to keep a close eye on, as there is nothing at all that speaks of ‘new writer’.
Lenny is a quirky teacher of primary students, loves her routine, her bike, her own space. Simple things keep her life chugging along; it is all she seems to need. Scrabble with her imaginary flat mate, watching her favourite show Friends when stressed, and a routine of the same meals set for each day of the week. All these things while maintaining a job she loves and simple interactions with the people she comes across in life. Usually less is more, and she is quite content.
A clever part of this book is Lenny’s penchant for retreating to words in times of stress. Reaching for breaking down words by way of calming and shutting down intrusive and uncomfortable thoughts. The author makes this an interesting word game and takes un into Lenny’s complicated mind.
The thing is she has every reason to struggle and reach for calming devices, as Lenny is a woman who has suffered extreme adversity, and this is shown through insights and memories of her life when she was a child at the hands of disturbed and dark upbringing in a dysfunctional environment. Lenny was not given the opportunity to thrive.
Every word on the pages provides oomph and strength to Lenny’s resilience (which she does not at all recognise). She has come a remarkable distance as an eleven-year-old child having seen things no one ever should.
Extremely private and hard to warm to others, it is assumed Lenny is weak and many take advantage. Socialisation is not something she can do in the assumed way of today’s society, and of course heartbreaking when colleagues treat her poorly. But beautifully when we see others love her and treat her with kindness.
This book is a unique one, which take us on the path of neurodiversity with gentleness and sensitivity, and of a woman who learns of an unknown capacity for personal growth leading to a new level of satisfaction in her life. It also gives the reader a glimpse into ways others struggle, although ultimately succeed and flourish.
A lovely, provoking, sad and at many times, funny book. Absolutely recommended to all. I am sorry I waited this long to get to know Lenny Marks....more
A sweet simple love story that takes us from Lismore to Sydney to Port Augusta ending in Clarence, NSW. The author’s acknowledgements mention the connA sweet simple love story that takes us from Lismore to Sydney to Port Augusta ending in Clarence, NSW. The author’s acknowledgements mention the connection to places and people and her choices for the settings, which is always a nice plus. She holds significant importance to these areas and people, and her sixth-grade teacher, which was lovely.
Kirsty Fox is a young firecracker of a woman, a pilot working for a medical transportation service, she is capable, hardworking, and stubborn. After a landing incident that rocks her confidence, and sparks issues from a past childhood trauma, she contemplates running away like she always has; after all, her mother has always spoken of the ‘Fox curse’ that has plagued her small family. Her mother has a gambling addiction, and as an older lady, this did not always come across as authentic to me. Although she was always outrunning the owed rent and bad men their entire livers, her and Kirsty were pretty much on their own, and built up a dependence and good ability to avoid problems and run if needed.
Kirsty was working when she received a call saying her mother was breaking into her house, through a window, mind you! What trouble had she gotten herself into? Fast forward a little and we see the senior Ms Fox knitting tea cozies. It was nice to see her find a good hobby, one that did not involve pouring her money into a pokie machine.
Kirsty ends up on a mission after receiving a suitcase and inheritance from an unknown grandmother – this little bump in the road takes her to other parts of the country and into the path of lovely Joey, who is setting up a farm stay property after problems in his stockbroking career, and returns him home where he had been avoiding for good measure; the entire town was gossipy and wanting to set him up with all and sundry. When Kirsty agrees to free board in return for labour, the town is rather excited.
Of course, the country folk love Kirsty and this feel good story doesn’t fail to deliver. Not a hefty amount of substance, but a happy easy read which is not heavy on any accounts. Romance readers will enjoy this....more
This was a debut, which again has been my experience of late, there is nothing to say this is written by anyone other than a seasoned writer.
Very clevThis was a debut, which again has been my experience of late, there is nothing to say this is written by anyone other than a seasoned writer.
Very clever writing, the narrator speaks from the dead, which is mostly new to me.
Ruby and Alice arrive in New York on the same day. What draws them together is that apart from both running from far from ideal circumstances, they both simply deserve more from life. Alice has $600 in her pocket and a camera, she owns nothing. She is very lucky to stumble across an advertisement that takes her to the door of Noah, and in him she finds the first person to care for her. This is non-sexual and is what she needs.
I love this loving relationship; it is new to Alice. She writes thank you IOU notes on the fridge for her socks, her shoes, her toiletries. She’s intent on repaying Noah for his kindness; he asks for nothing in return.
Ruby is on the run from a bad relationship, arriving from Melbourne. All she seems to be able to manage is buy vodka, drink it, and run. How has it come to this for her? And it is on one of her early morning runs that she finds 18 year old Alice dead, floating in the Hudson River.
She can’t let go of this girl, her life becomes consumed with Alice. Alice becomes Jane. Who is she? The fact she is on the run makes it so hard. Those on the run usually have no ties, it takes so long for anything to be established to being anywhere near close to being solved. And of course, Alice was preyed upon by an older teacher – he is not going to give anything up.
And thus begins a story of kinship between the dead and living, Alice spurs Ruby on from the sidelines and takes us through her past.
A Dewy Decimal System for the dead, Ruby thought, when she first visited the NamUs site. She sat cross-legged on her bed, sipping vodka, as she clicked through this seemingly endless catalogue of the dead and the missing. She was consumed by finding answers and came across some characters whom I adored. From Alice in response to this trawling: She cannot know how much I despise it; I do not wish to be tethered in this way to the place it happened. It…. I am coming to understand that for many, my identity only has meaning in so far as it might help identify him. Him.
So, in this gritty tale of death and despair, we also see the best of human kindness. Ruby was able to help with the search and she was able to process her grief with some like minded people. Alice is always there with her, though it is not at all kitsch as one may assume. It forms a holistic part of the tale. In that time, with some help from me, the four members of Death Club have thought about each other, gone to sleep with fragments of each other’s stories… And though no one is quite sure how it happened, it is Ruby the three original members keep coming back to most of all.
I chose this book initially as I love reading about New York, and assumed it would be a great thriller, or who dunnit. But it was more than this. It crossed themes of misogyny, abuse, poverty, trauma and above all else, love for a fellow human. Alice narrating her story after death would normally be a turn off for me, but Ruby loved her and was able to help her. I found this such an unusual story, I decided on 5 stars. ...more
As is the best kind of book, I have not read a title quite like this one. The automatic assumption may be to compare this to Orange is the New Black, As is the best kind of book, I have not read a title quite like this one. The automatic assumption may be to compare this to Orange is the New Black, but this should not be the case. It is very different and stands on its own, but of course it still highlights an institution rife with inequality. A thorough contemplation, perhaps this could even be treated as an expose of a very much flawed system of justice in the corrections system of Britain. This may sound trite or scandalous, but this story is very real; written by an educated and determined young woman. A resourceful woman who was able to use her time of imprisonment as an intense observation of a system full of inequality and unfairness. Sophie tells us of countless ways the objectionable nature of the day to day life inside Europe’s largest female prison.
I was surprised and honoured to receive an email from the author offering a copy to review and received a lovely card alongside my signed copy. This sort of thing is special, and it has always made my reading experience special.
The author experienced a very hard background, she does not use this to blame the outcome and her journey into prison, but I think she certainly uses this as extra gumption for success. As an early teen she sought out scholarships on her own with no assistance from her family, remarkable for a young girl. I am so impressed; I did this for my own children to enable them to access private high school education here in Australia, but for her to do this at such a young age with no support is remarkable. It certainly has paid off; her education is continuing today where there is a high expectation of casual work, internships and engaging in university life. She is a very busy woman trapped in deep isolation due to COVID19 [this review is penned in early February 2021].
Whilst in prison, staff are always be surprised when her intelligence shone through, which paradoxically to me shows a huge amount of ignorance. It seems they expected nothing from her given the colour of her skin. In all facts and figures mentioned (and there are a lot), all items are thoroughly referenced; this was a labour of love and meticulously laid out. I ready many Guardian articles referenced.
Sophie (a pseudonym for many reasons) pushed so hard to obtain training inside, use of computers in the library, access to information to no avail. Realistically, if one was to help themselves to find out information regarding university entrance etc, one would have to rely on friends or family to post information or print out the hundreds of pages required to study. This was a rarity as so many inmates did not have support. The situation did seem totally helpless; class and education meant nothing. Doctors (as inmates) were treated no differently. Sophie had to work doubly as hard when represented by solicitors, it was explained how being represented by those of the same skin colour may work against you, as those in a position of power need to be seen as driving a hard line; if they were seen to be ‘soft’ this would present a whole lot of problems and it was likely the inmate being represented may have received outcomes harsher than realistically assumed.
Sophie had a short stint in the library and on one occasion community librarians attended to observe. As soon as the visit commenced the vibe changed and the group clung together. It turns out they were mostly interested in the ‘reasons for’ her incarceration. This was a theme all along with the author’s dealings with anyone aware of her past. It seems a shame lessons could not be learned, and skills shared clearly libraries are an institution of learning sharing of information. Clearly, she was a well educated woman with a lot to offer the prison library, yet the experience seemed like another wasted one. As an individual, I have a different type of empathy and would want to help as much as I could, entering the facility would have been a choice and one to use as an excellent experience. Unfortunately, she only got to shelve a few books and hand out colouring sheets to fellow inmates. She did push for further work such as loaning items, but this wasn’t agreed upon; at every turn there was resistance and seemingly unnecessary resistance at that. She wanted to build her skills and use her time wisely; she did end up working with valuable items in archives while studying for her degree post incarceration and having given the opportunity to work further in the library she would have gained more work experience.
Many schemes and partnerships were mentioned for connecting enterprise and the prison population for post release, but these were usually followed up with the author as being failed or unused, or worse still, participants being paid below award wage as a common theme. Or frustratingly, they would have a program (Toastmasters for example) that existed but was not promoted. Sophie was a perfect applicant for this but was not aware. This entire institution seemed like a radical mess.
Directly from her website: In 2020 she coined the term mysogycon to describe the misogyny aimed at women who offend that has led to their forced exclusion in the labour market.
Sophie’s time served was littered with bad behaviour (her own); I’ve been pondering this and came to the conclusion that she was so smart (and bored) that she just couldn’t help but make the poorly behaved staff see what she thought of them. This defiance is heart-warming in a way, although this might seem an odd stance. She didn’t seem to belong; she was young and feisty. So many of the staff acted appallingly, and the behaviours from some of the inmates were just as bad, unsurprisingly I suppose. Bickering, grievances, interesting ways of dominance and rivalry. Poor quality of food and simply not enough of it. In my own little world clearly, I can’t relate, but Sophie’s no holds barred account raises so many questions.
The things us lay people assume about bribery is true, smuggling phones, sex between guards and inmates, physical intimidation and altercations. There are no surprises here I also suppose but confronting nonetheless as an outsider such as I who has never set foot inside a facility. My father worked for the former Commonwealth Employment Service here in Australia where part of his role was to speak with inmates about their employment opportunities post release. I must ask him about this experience, which I had completely forgotten about till now.
“It was as if the officers had reached their own conclusions on what an ‘authentic’ black person versus a ‘non-authentic’ black person was, and if you didn’t conform to the former, not only were you treated contemptuously, but you also had less chance of getting responsible jobs or being considered for early release.”
Sophie is black, educated and quite the renegade. Of the latter two, quite a fiery mix. She has made so obvious to the reader the terrible disparity in the educational system in England; the public system is quite appalling; poor quality of teachers and lack of resources. So, in a way, this book is not only about her experience in prison, but of the poor level of the education system in general.
“Having walked out of prison homeless with no support network and no assistance from either the prison or the National Probation Service, I should by all accounts have ended back inside, or even dead; 79 percent of offenders who are released from prison homeless go on to be reconvicted within the year, and female prisoners are 69 more times likely to die in the week following their release from prison, compared to women in the general population.”
The author secured a job within two weeks and in the same year had her own private accommodation and a successful University application under her belt. Oh – and published this book of course.
The probationary system demanded she stay in her father’s accommodation on release. He was a criminal living in substandard accommodation, and she had to share his bed. This was deemed appropriate. She felt unsafe. Being the resourceful girl she was, she made sure she got moving quickly into her own temporary studio. Given the setbacks this would have been a remarkable feat.
She was penalised for attending parole meetings late or for cancelling them due to university lectures; all with advance warning. The parole situation set up for her ended up being inconsistent due to the procedural rules, another sign of disparity. She followed things up and got to know her rights, but other women in her situation would not have been able to. There were so many instances. For example, they wanted her to travel hours away on the day of release with her suitcases to report for probation. To then return to her father’s residence on the same day. She pushed to get her point across, but others wouldn’t have the gumption to do so and would just find themselves living rough. It has been reported that inmates are sent off with a sleeping bag. So tragic.
Sophie has supported herself from such a young age, she never received support, nor expected it. She has cut herself off from her family and seem to have accepted this along with such pragmatism that seems to have served her well. She is now onto master’s level, such a fabulous outcome.
This reading journey was interesting, eye opening and brutally honest. I thank the author for the privilege and opportunity. It has been lovely getting to know the author, and as a reader I feel this completes the reading cycle and made it such a rewarding one. And this, I think, is what it is all about....more
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