This book is timely-- and also unexpected. It can be really easy to gloss over this as a "book about how to say no" but wow does Sah delve into the psThis book is timely-- and also unexpected. It can be really easy to gloss over this as a "book about how to say no" but wow does Sah delve into the psychology and social construct behind what it means to consent, defy, and comply.
Reading this brought alllllll sorts of emotions to the forefront. For as many pages as this book contains and as long as it takes to read, there is a certain breathless quality to it, like I'm constantly trying to keep up with not only the author's narrative style, but also the numerous memories that surface from my lived experience. Most of her stories and anecdotes are current, and her historical examples are timeless. I'm *still* simmering over how the Uvalde mother was treated, and I wrote down so many notes that I'll have to go back over to unspool some more.
The heart of Sah's message is this: defiance is the ability to give a true NO in a world where we're conditioned to give an automatic YES, and the only way we can give a true answer is if we actually truly know ourselves. (Which begs the question, Do I really know who I am and what I value?)...more
When the movie WALL-E first debuted, I thought it was just a cute story in the vein of Pinocchio-- a robot who wants to find real love. Rewatching it When the movie WALL-E first debuted, I thought it was just a cute story in the vein of Pinocchio-- a robot who wants to find real love. Rewatching it years later as a parent, though, I saw it for what it was: ahead-of-its-time, an incredibly prescient look at the destiantion our world was rocketing towards if nothing changed. This book felt a bit like that movie.
Mester brings it, and then some. She doesn't hold back, especially in the examination and portrayal of her father (which can probably just be said that it's the same analysis she's making of herself) and she manages to weave together the disparate threads paying homage to her grandmother, exploring her challenging relationship with her father, and laying bare her own neuroses and mental health issues, all into one cohesive indictment of our collective tendency towards overconsumption. The idea that hoarding stems from ambivalence, that abandoning is easier than leaving, that review culture has turned into a specious form of community, and how America is bloated and there's not a diet or camp that can remedy the excess-- ding ding ding. But now what?
Reading this was like looking into a mirror and seeing a version of myself in the reflection. It is exquisitely written, piercing with raw honesty. From one daughter to another whose family went to Costco every week: Wow....more
Super helpful and pragmatic, lots of personal author stories, and told in a very straightforward and unfussy manner. Reading this gave me language to Super helpful and pragmatic, lots of personal author stories, and told in a very straightforward and unfussy manner. Reading this gave me language to pin down the emotional swirl of changing relationships over the years.
It also allowed me so much freedom about how to practically hold expectations and definitions loosely, while also highlighting the importance of recognizing who goes where in each realm of relationship: center, core, circle, comrade, community, crowd, and counterfeit. (Technically those first and last ones aren't officially part of the blueprint, but are just as equally foundational in the overall illustration.)
I'm really grateful that I got to read this with a table full of other women through my church's community group, in conjunction with the online book discussion guide!...more
The author's note at the beginning-- camouflaged into the page with the publishing date and information and such-- sets the foundation for the story tThe author's note at the beginning-- camouflaged into the page with the publishing date and information and such-- sets the foundation for the story that follows. What a spare, moving, beautifully illustrated book; the page in particular about lonely nights drew my kids' attention the most, and it's really quite an experience to watch something resonate with a child, see their brains and hearts affected by a story like this one....more
Tosi's hospitality and joy jumps off the page, and she's cheering you on through every single recipe and page of this rockstar cookbook. There are so Tosi's hospitality and joy jumps off the page, and she's cheering you on through every single recipe and page of this rockstar cookbook. There are so many DIY recipes for things that are taken for granted as being store-bought: marshmallows! ice cream cones! caramel! This will be staying on my bookshelf-- along with Molly Gilbert's Sheet Pan Sweets: Simple, Streamlined Dessert Recipes - A Baking Cookbook-- for as long as the library will allow me to renew it....more
Someone needs to make this into a movie, stat. What a perfect combination of all the things, and, as always, please read to the very last page, where Someone needs to make this into a movie, stat. What a perfect combination of all the things, and, as always, please read to the very last page, where the author herself gives the backstory to this story. (Favorite chapter: Epistolary!)...more
Got this as an early Christmas present from a family friend, and oh my goodness, this is such a clever story with adorable illustrations. Read it six Got this as an early Christmas present from a family friend, and oh my goodness, this is such a clever story with adorable illustrations. Read it six times in a row just to hear my toddler voice the owl each and every time. *explodes from cuteness overload*...more
I love that Rush views poetry as "simply a joke with an epilogue" and I kept sending screenshots of select poems to so many people-- accessible, real,I love that Rush views poetry as "simply a joke with an epilogue" and I kept sending screenshots of select poems to so many people-- accessible, real, and something that really sparks and resonates for women in particular....more
Is it too hyperbolic to say that this is a must-read for women?
What sets this specific book apart from so many others is the fact that Adachi grounds Is it too hyperbolic to say that this is a must-read for women?
What sets this specific book apart from so many others is the fact that Adachi grounds all of her advice and tips/tricks (all the acronyms and diagrams!) on the foundation of not what to first *do*, but how to think about it-- and then how all of that aligns with the very particular and unique rhythms of each individual woman's body. I especially appreciated how the author referenced the other books she's read that supplements the ideas presented (immediately placed a hold on Period Power: Harness Your Hormones and Get Your Cycle Working For You) and her light-bulb connection of how women cannot thrive and succeed in a field that has been constructed and dominated by men because women were never meant to, and yet part of the system has been to make women believe that they have to. It's all very simple and profound and reading this was like getting a gigantic pep talk, full of permission and grace and the everpresent reminder to be kind to ourselves....more
The "Holderni" demonstrate the various resources in their conflict repair toolbox by fleshing out what they've learned oMarriage counseling in a book.
The "Holderni" demonstrate the various resources in their conflict repair toolbox by fleshing out what they've learned over the years from their friend and marriage counselor, Dr. Christopher Edmonston (who, as they acknowledge at the end, really deserves his name on the cover along with theirs) using their own fights. The first one that kicks the book off is The Battle of the Bra, where Kim has just taken hers off and Penn doesn't understand why that's a barrier to them going out for dinner. That pretty much sets the tone and pace of the book.
Five brilliant stars for containing 100% nuggets of wisdom and being 1000% laugh-out-loud relatable....more
Soaring, tender, and hopeful-- with just enough dashes of social perception and observations about the upper upper class to make it more fun. The extrSoaring, tender, and hopeful-- with just enough dashes of social perception and observations about the upper upper class to make it more fun. The extraordinary love of a father for his daughter, and a daughter for her father: this is not a subject that I have readily encountered in books. There are so many stories of daddy issues and father wounds, that to read about Leonard and Alice (and to then extrapolate the relationship between the author and her own father) was such a jewel of a gift to get the honor to behold.
Also, thoughts like "Oh, this reminds me of Oona Out of Order/The Husbands/Timeline, etc." kept on popping up while reading this, gentle little reminders that I've read more than a few books about time-travel. What a great read. I love when books find me just when I need them....more
Full of heart and wit and grief and literary references galore-- the only unbelievable part of it all is Brett, but other than that, I really loved alFull of heart and wit and grief and literary references galore-- the only unbelievable part of it all is Brett, but other than that, I really loved all the characters represented (forever rooting for Maisey, and Arthur immediately materializes in my mind's eye as the old guy from Up). What a beautiful homage to Anne of Green Gables!...more
Confession: I totally judged this based on the fact that the author has one grown daughter, and I wasn't really keen on hearing parenting advice from Confession: I totally judged this based on the fact that the author has one grown daughter, and I wasn't really keen on hearing parenting advice from someone who has only ever experienced a 1-to-1 adult child ratio.
But DANG, reading this was the literary equivalent of being served slice after slice of humble pie. Philippa Perry can say things with such polite bluntness as only the British can, and the fact that she draws from her wealth of experience as a psychotherapist lends itself to being a bit more reputable for parents who have multiple kids. She does not beat around the bush, and while I don't agree completely with everything she says, a lot of it does have merit and there were more than a few points made and examples given that really convicted me of how I used to and currently parent my crew. I will definitely need to revisit this when the kids are older and in their teenage years, and I am glad that I was proved wrong from my initial assumption about this book....more
Anyone else get major Elle Wood's resume vibes from the solid block of pink edging each and every page of the book? You can't help but feel joyful jusAnyone else get major Elle Wood's resume vibes from the solid block of pink edging each and every page of the book? You can't help but feel joyful just looking at that, and then the monstera leaf print all over the inside book cover is like an extra layer of oh yeah, it's rom-com time!
And it doesn't disappoint. Yeah, there are plot holes and moments when the protagonist forgets who she is, but overall it's an immensely enjoyable, quick and fun read. Maybe it's because I also have an aging parent who I am helping to care for; the story feels grounded in real-life, Hollywood movie stars and famous screenwriters aside. I do love how Jack Stapleton keeps showing up. It must be so fun for the author to get to pay homage to her other works!
(Also: Reverend Dad's sentiments at the end-- that'll preach.)...more
"The search for truth lies in controversy, not agreement."
What an incredibly written, researched, and interesting book; can this be required reading f"The search for truth lies in controversy, not agreement."
What an incredibly written, researched, and interesting book; can this be required reading for everyone? Also, I wholeheartedly endorse and support the idea of making cultural exchange programs within different groups in America a mandatory thing for all citizens. (I wonder how Caleb and Martha, et. al. are all doing now?) I especially resonated with the part about high conflict within families and how estrangement is more prevalent among Americans than seasonal allergies. What sobering but also strangely reassuring data, that I am not the only one with such an experience....more
FASCINATING. While it references different presidents, this book is largely about government, not politics. I learned so much about just a small drop FASCINATING. While it references different presidents, this book is largely about government, not politics. I learned so much about just a small drop of what goes on in all those buildings, but also-- what is it with all the misnamed departments around here? The main three featured throughout are the Departments of Energy, Agriculture, and Commerce, and they all boil down to being Departments of Science, Data, and Information.
Having just watched (still waiting to read) Netflix's adaptation of The Three-Body Problem all I could think about was how we don't need sophons to enter our society in order to kill science: we have the lack of transition between administrations in 2016 to thank for that. (Also. Who knew NOAA was so dang important to our public safety?! Or that AccuWeather is trying to privatize meteorological information to make people pay for what is actually free?) This book is the canary song for how everything boils down to two words that have been politicized out the wazoo: climate change. What a read....more
First things first: Print out a dementia directive, one for each parent, to go over together and fill out. May you never have to actually use it, but iFirst things first: Print out a dementia directive, one for each parent, to go over together and fill out. May you never have to actually use it, but if for some reason the cause arises, the document is already there.
Being notified that such a document is out there is one of the many, many reasons worth reading this book-- at some point, I'm going to have to buy a copy to refer to as my dad's dementia progresses (deteriorates?) over the next few years. I wish this came in other languages, so that my mom can have a more easily understandable copy, but I'm still really grateful such a compassionate and resourceful book exists! Since we are at the beginning of the diagnosis, it was a really good guide to what kind of legal, financial, physical, and emotional hurdles are to come; that being said, it is also really easy to feel overwhelmed reading this, which Weatherill knows and points out repeatedly, ending each section with a "how are you doing?" check-in. (Do I really want to think about hospice and end-of-life care right now? No. Am I glad that is on my radar, with action steps listed out for me? Yes.)
I very much appreciate how each section ends with two important lists: "What to Do/Say" and "Questions to Ask Your Doctor/Lawyer/Financial Planner, etc." It takes something so huge and vague and breaks it down into manageable steps-- I definitely compiled my binder full of information as soon as I read about it in chapter two, and it actually came in handy the next time we went to see a doctor. I felt prepared, capable, and confident in that moment, and I know I'm going to need to hold onto those small wins for the long road ahead. So thankful for this book!...more
I wish I didn't have cause to read this book, but I am also glad that I ended up braving the first page-- and then finding myself completely sucked inI wish I didn't have cause to read this book, but I am also glad that I ended up braving the first page-- and then finding myself completely sucked in to this moving "biography of a disease". Shenk somehow manages to write about Alzheimer's/dementia/senility in a way that manages to be bleak and comforting at the same time, with such profound gentleness and respect for the power of mortality and this specific road towards it.
Even with the historical accounts and detailed descriptions of what happens during the early, middle, and late-stages of the disease, this book ends on a hopeful note-- not in the promise of a cure, but in the humanity that is revealed through the guarantee of death. There are entire sections and chapters where Shenk thoughtfully contemplates and explores the nature of dying and how the human body and modern advances and comforts have really pushed us past our natural limits; I never thought about how our bodies are like racecars built to last only a certain number of miles, but the analogy (much better written in the book!) is really provocative and rings true.
Then there's the vignettes that pop up every so often of the conference in Taos, and how the stereotype of the science community as mild-mannered nerds is really just a smokescreen covering the political and capitalistic nature of the field. The real-life accounts of caregivers that are sprinkled throughout are heartbreaking and effective, and hands-down my favorite "character" (if I can call him that) is Morris Friedell. What a trip that must have been for him to process his own decline with such grace and dignity, in the public eye and on his own terms.
The urgency with which I read this is paralleled only by the time I found out I was pregnant with my first child, voraciously consuming all the information I could get my hands on to prepare me for life as a parent. I suppose it is fitting, then, that as I looked to books at the beginning my journey of "conventional parenting" I am now doing the same as I start this long path of "reverse parenting". I feel less alone, more informed, and continue to be in shock over how terrifying this disease is that I am watching play out in real-time with my father.
This book may be reaching a quarter of a century old, and yet I am so glad that it exists as a resource for people who need its unvarnished truth, comforting reassurance, and compilation of resources; I have a plethora of books on hold and tabs pulled up online with so much information to continue learning on how to navigate this with my parents. (Also, I am mostly surprised by how prevalent this disease seems to be, which begs the question: who isn't going to get some form of dementia when they're older? My goodness, the roster of famous names is stacked, much less the everyday, ordinary lives that are touched by this.)...more
Wow, what an amazing resource-- will need to get a copy for me to actually highlight and earmark. Lots of food for thought and also many suggestions aWow, what an amazing resource-- will need to get a copy for me to actually highlight and earmark. Lots of food for thought and also many suggestions as a call to action. I am grateful that my kids are still on the young end of the spectrum, so that we can start to game plan and set a vision for what we want technology's role in our family to look like....more
The adaptation of P&P I never knew I needed, set in 2003 New York Chinatown within a Cantonese speaking family. [[This. Is. Genius.]]
CK Chau slays witThe adaptation of P&P I never knew I needed, set in 2003 New York Chinatown within a Cantonese speaking family. [[This. Is. Genius.]]
CK Chau slays with her words for sure; she comes out with wit and sharp precision from the very first page, and somehow makes it seem so nonchalant: "They came by way of two parents, Jade and Vincent-- not their natural names, but the useful ones..." Dang. And that's just the fifth sentence of the first page! There's a whole entire section on what it means to be Cantonese speaking, on the burden of what it means to be an immigrant (the ones with the useful names) and then the entirely different burden of being the children of immigrants, who never got to choose for themselves which culture they identified with-- "No trace of an accent, no problem. A hallmark of their success. A hallmark of their loss."
I felt so seen, and it was also super nostalgic, with the spot-on updated references-- Punk'd, pop stars, Delia's, brick cellphones, etc. The characters and their world are modernized without stripping away their classic foundations (ahh that dimsum scene with Collins KILLED ME, I felt that to the core) and I am legitimately sad that I'm done reading this book for the first time!
Also: the cover art is amazing. I love that there's a note at the end from the cover artist, Sandra Chiu, for her to be able to get more recognition and also share a small snippet of her experience creating the look of the book. It is what initially drew me to the title (who knew how important the design of letters on the spine could be?) and caused me to physically pick the book off the shelf! So glad I did....more
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