Candi's Reviews > Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

"For my entire life I longed for love. I knew it was not right for me – as a girl and later as a woman – to want or expect it, but I did, and this unjustified desire has been at the root of every problem I have experienced in my life."

What a sad yet beautiful book this was! I adore historical fiction that can really immerse me in another time and place and Snow Flower and the Secret Fan did just that. Transported back to 19th century China, I believe I arrived at a better understanding of a woman's position in this society. I learned what it was like to be a daughter, a sister, a wife and a daughter-in-law. I am admittedly grateful for not ever having to experience these often overwhelmingly harsh relationships in the way that these women did! Not for an instant can I imagine having to yearn for my mother's love with the feeling that it was something impossible to attain. And, I most certainly could not fathom bending to my mother-in-law's every command and needing to act as a lowly "visitor" in her home even as the wife of her own son. The cultural practice of footbinding was truly horrific and cringeworthy. If you, like me, decide to google any images, please consider yourself forewarned that it really does look as awful and disfiguring as you would no doubt imagine. Yet, a young girl's future and her marriageability depended heavily on the result of this archaic practice.

The one relationship that I found endearing and one that transcends both time and culture is that of a true friendship. This is so beautifully demonstrated in the bond between the narrator, Lily, and Snow Flower, her "old same". Lisa See really brings to life the nuances of their lifelong friendship which began as little girls with a contract sealing their fates in a laotong relationship. "A laotong match is as significant as a good marriage… A laotong relationship is made by choice for the purpose of emotional companionship and eternal fidelity. A marriage is not made by choice and has only one purpose – to have sons." We see the girls grow up together and experience the joys of childhood friendship – laughing, dreaming, and mourning together. The women's secret form of writing, or nu shu, begins with the communication between the little girls on the folds of a special fan that will provide a chronicle of their extraordinary relationship throughout their lives. As married women, they experience both the happiness and the sorrow of giving birth and living under the heavy thumbs of their husbands and mothers-in-law in households that scorn rather than cherish them. And, as with some friendships, these women experience the differences in social standings within a community and suffer from misunderstandings and ultimate betrayal. Can a friendship really withstand anything?

This is a wonderful book for anyone interested in the culture of China during this period and those that enjoy reading about the various connections between women. If you've ever had a true friend, this book will truly speak to you and perhaps make you just a tad nostalgic about the carefree days when you could hope and giggle with your own "bestie". 