Anne's Reviews > Romeo and Juliet

THIS!
This is what happens when you jump into a rebound relationship with both feet.
So, when the story opens, Romeo is desperately in love with Rosaline. But since she won't give up that pussy has sworn to remain chaste, he's all depressed and heartbroken.
Annoying emo style.



His friends, tired of his constant whining, give him a Beyoncé mixtape.
He takes her words to heart, and her lyrics begin to mend his broken soul.



His boys drag his sad ass to a party, and across a crowded room, Romeo spies his next victim. I mean, his really really for real this time True Love.



Meet 13 year old Juliet.
Who is 13.



And how old is Romeo? Well, he's old enough to kill Juliet's cousin in a sword fight, so...yeah. Probably not 13.
But since he's such a punk little pussy - what with the whining, sobbing, and spouting off crap poetry - I'm going to assume he's not much older than she is and say 15 or 16.
If I'm wrong, don't correct me. It'll help me sleep tonight.



Tragically, Juliet is a Hatfield, and Romeo is a McCoy. Their families have been feuding over a McCoy pig that was killed during a Hatfield moonshine run decades ago. Totally true. I swear.
Needless to say, tensions are still running high.
So. Shhhhh. They gotta keep their love on the down low.
And it is love, dammit! I mean, they've stared at each other a whole bunch and had like two conversations.



This time around, Romeo isn't going to make the same mistake as before, and let the new girl of his dreams slip through his fingers.
Fuck, yeah! Time to get married!
Because marriage will solve all your problems. No, really.
Pinkie promise.



And we all know what happened next, right?!



Well...Ish.
You know, I can't help but wonder what that first encounter would've been like if they'd met when they were older?

Romeo: Hey baby, Heaven must be missing an angel. Mind if I crawl up to your balcony tonight?



Juliet: The fuck?!



*taser crackles...Romeo screams*

At any rate, this isn't a romance, it's a cautionary tale.
And a pretty funny one at that! I originally gave it 3 stars, but I had to bump it up for making me smile as I remembered all the fun I had mistakes as a young woman - without drinking poison! Between Romeo & Juliet both crying, moping, and twirling around like tweenage girls and the rest of the cast flailing around to accommodate these idiots, this was way better than I remembered it.



I listened to this on Playaway, so I got to have the audio version with a full cast of characters, sound effects, and music. Loved it! Totally recommend going this way if you're planning on trying out Shakespeare.