The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes Quotes

“I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“I'd hate to have a kid like me.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action.
Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray.
You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing.
Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk.

Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“I'M SIGNIFICANT!!!
...
Say's the dust speck.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan
when his dad said "Eat your peas."
Barney shouted no and ran

Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar
Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,
Cause Barney didn't tell her.

There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel
With every bite for fifty years
he was sorry he'd been cruel”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help”
― Bill Waterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury