Calvin and Hobbes Quotes

“People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?”
― Watterson Bill, Calvin and Hobbes

“Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too.
This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out.
In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice.

Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Verbing weirds language.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!
Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“I should be doing my homework now. But the way I look at it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life.

- Such as?

- Procrastination and rationalization.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other...”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Calvin: I'm being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!
Hobbes: Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Calvin: I don't know, but I refuse to find out!”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Calvin: Today at school, I tried to decide whether to cheat on my test or not. I wondered, is it better to do the right thing and fail ... or is it better to do the wrong thing and succeed? On the one hand, undeserved success gives no satisfaction ... but on the other hand, well-deserved failure gives no satisfaction either. Of course, most everybody cheats some time or other. People always bend the rules if they think they can get away with it. Then again, that doesn't justify my cheating. Then I thought, look, cheating on one little test isn't such a big deal. It doesn't hurt anyone. But then I wondered if I was just rationalizing my unwillingness to accept the consequence of not studying. Still, in the real world, people care about success, not principles. Then again, maybe that's why the world is such a mess. What a dilemma!
Hobbes: So what did you decide?
Calvin: Nothing. I ran out of time and I had to turn in a blank paper.
Hobbes: Anymore, simply acknowledging the issue is a moral victory.
Calvin: Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Day says the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it.- Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Hobbes: "Whatcha doin'?"
Calvin: "Getting rich!"
Hobbes: "Really?"
Calvin: "Yep. I'm writing a self-help book! There's a huge market for this stuff."
Calvin: "First you convince people there's something wrong with them. That's easy because advertising has already conditioned people to feel insecure about their weight, looks, social status, sex appeal, and so on."
Calvin: "Next, you convince them that the problem is not their fault and that they're victims of larger forces. That's easy, because it's what people believe anyway. Nobody wants to be responsible for his own situation."
Calvin: "Finally, you convince them that with your expert advice and encouragement, they can conquer their problem and be happy."
Hobbes: "Ingenious. What problem will you help people solve?"
Calvin: "Their addiction to self-help books!"
Calvin: "My book is called, "Shut up and stop whining: How to do something with your life besides think about yourself.""
Hobbes: "You should probably wait for the advance before you buy anything."
Calvin: "The trouble is... If my program works, I won't be able to write a sequel.”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Dad says that the anticipation of having something is often more fun than actually having it - Calvin”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

“Calvin: If you could wish for anything, what would it be?
Hobbes: A big sunny field to be in.
Calvin: A STUPID FIELD?! You've got that now! Think BIG! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have ANYTHING!
...
Calvin: Actually, its hard to argue with someone who looks so happy.
Hobbes: Z”
― Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes