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683 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 24, 2017
"Generally speaking, whether something is logical or isn't, what's meaningful about it are the effects. Effects are there for anyone to see, and can have a real influence. But pinpointing the cause that produced the effect isn't easy. It's even harder to show people something concrete that caused it, in a 'Look, see?' kind of way. Of course there is a cause somewhere. Can't be an effect without a cause. You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Like falling dominoes, one domino (cause) knocks over the adjacent domino (cause), which then knocks over the domino (cause) next to it. As this sequence continues on and on, you no longer know what was the original cause. Maybe it doesn't matter. Or people don't care to know. And the story comes down to 'What happened was, a lot of dominoes fell over.' The story I'll be telling here may very well follow a similar route." (58)
"As I listened to his record collection on the stereo he'd left behind, borrowed his books, slept in his bed, made meals every day in his kitchen, and used his studio, I gradually became more interested in Tomohiko Amada as a person." (51)
"He was pretty wild and did whatever he liked...He was tall, good-looking, a young guy from a wealthy family, and a talented painter. How could women not be drawn to him? And he was certainly fond of the ladies." (61)
"It's kind of a weird story. I might not be able to tell the whole story in the right order, so it makes sense." (136)
"I had to find what was hidden beneath the surface. What underlay her personality - what allowed it to subsist. I had to find that something and bring it to the canvas." (407)
"What you must discover, can you not see, is what it is about Mr. Menshiki that is not present here." (190)
"Artistic impressions and objective reality are separate things. Impressions don't prove anything. They're like a butterfly in the wind - totally useless." (363)
"That highly efficient cerebral cortex might seem wasted at first, but without it we wouldn't be able to enter the realm of the metaphysical." (260)
"Nothing is painted there yet, but it's more than a simple blank space. Hidden on that white canvas is what must eventually emerge. As I look more closely, I discover various possibilities, which congeal into a perfect clue as to how to proceed. That's the moment I really enjoy. The moment when existence and nonexistence coalesce." (221)
"Thelonious Monk did not get those unusual chords as a result of logic or theory. He opened his eyes wide, and scooped those chords out from the darkness of his consciousness. What is important is not creating something out of nothing. What my friends need to do is discover the right thing from what is already there." (242)
"I feel as if I lost track of something along the way, and have been searching for it ever since." (451) "I began to feel like a stranger to myself as well." (455)
"When you're in the dark by yourself, it's like your body is gradually coming apart and disappearing." (252)
"The walls close in on you and the delusion grabs you that you're going to be crushed. In order to survive, a person has to overcome that fear. Which means conquering yourself. And in order to do that, you need to get as close to death as you possibly can." (271)
"Alice really does exist in the world. The March Hare, the Walrus, the Cheshire Cat - they all really exist. And the Commendatore too, of course." (253)
"She's a quiet child to begin with, and thirteen is said to be a difficult age, the beginning of puberty." (420)
"Mariye hadn't yet reached the stage where she could see herself as an object of male desire." (469)
"That's one heck of a hypothesis." (673)
"How Freudian can you get? I imagined some egghead critic fulminating on the drawing's psychological implications: 'This black, gaping hole, so reminiscent of a woman's solitary genitalia, must be understood functionally, as a symbolic representation of the artist's memories and unconscious desires.'" (381)
"Instead of a stable truth, I choose unstable possibilities. I choose to surrender myself to that instability." (280)
"Changes in a person's feelings aren't regulated by custom, logic, or the law. They're fluid, unstable, free to spread their wings and fly away. Like migratory birds have no concept of borders between countries." (315)
"All sorts of things I couldn't explain were insidiously grabbing hold of me. Tomohiko Amada's 'Killing Commendatore' that I'd discovered in the attic, the strange bell left behind inside the gaping stone chamber in the woods, the Idea that appeared to me in the guise of the Commendatore, and the middle-aged man with the white Subaru Forester. And that odd white-haired person who lived across the valley. Menshiki." (297)
"Allegories and metaphors are not something you should explain in words. You just grasp and accept them." (302)
"My thoughts and those of the pit were like trees grown together: our roots joined in the dark, our sap intermingled. In this condition, self and other blended like the paints on my palette, their borders ever more indistinct." (379)
"I had been compelled to endure one ordeal after another in a world of darkness." (597)
"So I'm the catalyst that happened to set those events in motion?" (418)
"I had met Menshiki soon after my arrival in early summer, we had dug up the pit behind the shrine, then the Commendatore had made his appearance, and finally Mariye Akikawa and her aunt Shoko had entered my life. I had a girlfriend, a housewife in her sexual prime, who came to comfort me. Tomohiko Amada's living spirit had paid me a visit. There was hardly time to be bored." (446)
"You'd better believe it." (681)